1. Naked and Afraid: Denial
Grief has many forms. When it comes to processing an uncurbable medical diagnosis I think these 7 stages of grief make the most sense.
- Shock
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Testing
- Acceptance
Denial: pretending this isn’t really happening to me
Today, I am moving out of denial. You know how I’m doing that? By telling you my story. 5 years ago I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, MS. It’s a disease that effects the brain and spinal cord, and not every person experiences the same symptoms. Right before my diagnosis, I was offered a job in an outpatient physical therapy clinic and there was NO WAY I was going to share with new coworkers that I was impaired!! So I put that MS thing on lock down. In the first few years, the only people who knew were my inner most circle of friends and my immediate family. I am held back by this deep fear that others will pity me, think me incapable, or see me as weak.
Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I am a 2nd generation, Filipino American. My mom is a badass and as such, raised me to be the same. I got my blackbelt in Tae Kwon Do when I was 14yrs old. I joined the Army when I was 19. I have been a physique figure competitor and have enjoyed Olympic weightlifting. I have 2 kids. I married a Marine. I love being outside in nature. I love to paint with acrylics on canvas. Are you seeing how MS doesn’t really fit in here?? Can you imagine the amount of armor I have been wearing to protect myself from the medical truth of my diagnosis. This shit is heavy, and I’m tired. This blog is my personal game of strip poker and I’ve invited you to witness this undressing and laying down of armor and weapons. Lucky you!!
